Procès-Verbal

Entry 1

--how you start this thing? Yeah. Okay.

Now, I don't know why an alien ship--at least, Blake says it isn't any human ship he's ever heard of, and he should know, right?--would be carrying a Terran-made 'corder, but I was going through the storerooms, just on general principles, and there it was. So I took it. Figured it might come in handy.

I've been on board this ship, the Liberator, a couple days now. Apparently when the guards took Blake and Avon and Stannis away, it wasn't to dump them out the airlock like we thought, it was to investigate this ship. Which they promptly stole, of course. Couldn't have done it better myself, though I prefer things that fit neatly in my pockets. I mean, imagine trying to fence this thing!

Anyway, they came and got me and Gan off Cygnus Alpha and now we're just putting some distance between us and any Federation bases. Blake says he'll put any of us off wherever we want, but I think most of them will stay. Even Avon, though he's pretty angry about it. Blake says he's going to organize a rebellion against the Federation and he could use our help. Not many people have asked for my help before. I'll probably stay too, I guess.

Entry 2

When I started this I meant to keep a sort of diary, but I haven't had time to put anything in it in a long time. I've been too busy, between all the raids Blake's been pulling, and drilling on the ship's controls every chance we get. Blake's put me on weaponry, and I even like it, when I'm not scared witless. There's a lot of skill to it; it needs a delicate touch. And we've done some real damage, messed up their communications and broken their codes, helped out a couple rebel organizations on the planets we go by.

We've sort of settled in, gotten to know each other, too. It was bad when we thought Cally was dead. Blake was really upset; I've never seen an Alpha like that. On Earth, no matter how angry they were they were always in control of themselves. Like Avon. But there's something burning in him, too. I can see it.

Gan and I get along fine. He's from off-planet, and the classes are even stricter on Zephron, so he's pretty quiet around the others. But we've had some good talks on late watch. He can drink almost as much as I can, though of course he's got more mass to absorb it. I'm glad he's here.

And Jenna pilots the ship, and doesn't have much to say to me, and Cally--well, Cally's something else. She's not even human, which made me a little uncomfortable for a while, but she's the nicest person I've met. She didn't even know about the class system until I told her, when she asked why Avon treats me like he does.

Avon. If anything upsets our happy little family, it'll be Avon. He says he hates the Federation, but he's always sniping at Blake when he comes up with some new idea. And he snipes at me, too, but I don't mind that, really. I can let it slide off, any Delta can. Or answer back, which is fun. I never could do that on Earth. But Blake doesn't know how to let it slide off him, and when he answers back it just gets worse.

He hasn't left, though. That must mean something.

Entry 3

Blake and Avon had another fight a couple days ago. I could tell, even though I was off-watch at the time. Avon kept looking away all during drill maneuvers the next day, and Blake almost never spoke to him. But sometimes I'd see one of them watching the other. Avon glared at me when he saw me watching.

I wonder what it was about. Usually Avon's yelling at Blake for being a hopeless idealist, which of course he is, but where's the harm in that? He's kept us all alive so far. And Blake's yelling at Avon for being a heartless self-interested bastard, which of course he is. Or Avon's mad at Blake for risking Avon's precious skin, and then he does whatever it was Blake wanted, anyway.

The strange thing is, after that day when they were hardly speaking, everything was quite the opposite the next day. Blake looked positively happy, and Avon looked as though his collar was only one size too tight instead of six. We spent the day talking about hitting a base on Caliphax, and I swear I heard Blake call Avon "Kerr" once. I mean, I suppose he's been called "Kerr" before, but I can't imagine anyone doing it twice. I was all the way across the flight deck, and I can't be sure. There wasn't anyone else around, then, either.

Entry 4

I said a whole lot of stuff just now, but I've erased it all. It's none of my business, anyway. And I'm drunk, anyway. Who knows?

Entry 5

I just got up to go to the loo--it's what passes for midnight, ship-time--and I almost walked right into Avon and Blake in the corridor. Luckily I was barefoot, so they didn't hear me. They were arguing, not loud, but furious; I heard them talking as I came 'round the turn, and then Avon hissed, "If you think what happened between us gives you the right to--" and Blake practically yelled, "No! I had the right before, the right to care about you," and then their voices dropped again and I couldn't hear. I tiptoed away; somehow I don't think they'd appreciate knowing they had an audience.

Blake and Avon, huh. I suppose all that passion's got to go somewhere, but I wouldn't have expected bed. I was so surprised I forgot about having to pee, and I came back here and pulled out the trusty 'corder. It's the only one I can talk to about this; if Avon knew I'd heard he'd probably kill me. I don't suppose Blake would stop him, either.

I wonder how long it'll last. I bet I know when it started, and I knew then, too, but I erased it. Thought I was just drunker than usual and making things up. If I was right, though, it's been ten days, maybe eleven. I think I'd give them maybe two weeks before they kill each other. So we'll see what happens in the next three days. The stresses are showing already, obviously. I wonder if they're gone. I really do need to pee.

I hope it isn't too nasty. I don't want to be inside the blast radius, and in a ship this size I won't be able not to.

Entry 6

I wonder if any of the others know besides me and Gan. Gan says he saw them kissing once, when he came to take over the watch from Blake one night and got there early. It's hard to imagine Avon kissing anyone, let alone doing it someplace without doors! I guess that means it really is happening, even after a month. It's not just my imagination. Gan said he backed up and made a lot of noise, and when he came in again they were at different stations, watching the screens.

He was really surprised. Came and told me about it the next day, half-hesitant but not quite knowing what he felt. He seemed to have this image of Alphas as above all that. I could have told him different, and I did. Comes from growing up on Zephron and only ever seeing anyone above Gamma on Founding Day holos and so on. He's a lot better around them now, though. Even argued with Blake last time Blake wanted us to do something really dangerous.

Entry 7

Well, I gave them two weeks, and it's been two months. I should have bet myself, that way I'd have to pay myself off. Something pungent and powerful.

It's been a lot nicer since they settled down. Blake's a bit less fanatical about things, because he knows Avon will squash him, I guess. I've seen him start off on some speech and then just catch Avon's eye. Once he blushed--Blake, that is.

And Avon's a lot calmer too, although he'll never be nice. He won't talk about it with anyone, although since that business last week everybody knows. Zen was going crazy--some kind of burn-out, nothing serious in the end--but when Avon didn't answer an all-ship page, and wasn't in his cabin, Blake had to admit why he knew where he was. Asleep in Blake's cabin, of course. He didn't need to tell us why they'd shut off the intercom. Blake went and dragged him up, and he showed up in a dressing gown, fixed Zen, and never said a word, though his eyes were daring us to say something. None of us did, of course.

After that Blake sat and talked with me and Cally about it once. He seemed happy, a little confused. He said he never expected it, but it was working, it seemed right for them, and if it wasn't exactly happiness it was something they needed. He looked happy, though. It was nice.

Avon's happy, too, although it'd kill him to admit it. He's still nasty to me, but I answer right back and get him the next time. I've seen him watching Blake sometimes. If he knew what his face looks like when he does that...

It makes me kind of lonely, though, watching them. There's a connection between them that's there even when they're not together. I haven't been connected to anyone like that since Lille died. Gan and I split a bottle of wine last night and talked about things; I told him about Lille and he told me about his wife. She died too, which is why he ended up here. We didn't get drunk, just a bit maudlin, but I felt better for it. We hugged goodnight--I'd never really realized how tall he is, before.

Entry 8

Guess what? Blake's declared a holiday! Cally says we're all overtired and since she's acting medic Blake's sending us all planetside for three days' relaxation. Of course, I'd been telling him I'm exhausted for days but as I'm not the medic no one listens. Jenna told me that if I slept off-watch instead of on it I might be more rested!

So we're heading for Corsal, which is an independent world and should be pretty safe, as they've got a mutual defense treaty with Auron, Cally says. We'll be there in four days, and I've bet myself I can catch Blake and Avon kissing before we get there. If I win, I'm going to find a bottle of the best they've got and tell Gan how much better friends I'd like to be.

If I lose, I'll do it anyway.